These days, my entire life seems to revolve around a possible vocal exam in french. I’m in desperate need of help with this class. I have literally had french for 6 years, and I’m still at the beginner level. I have no idea what I’m doing, and every time I think I’m getting somewhere, something new knocks me on my ass. I hate this language. Je ne comprends pas.
This, and the fact that I have a few other exams and a bum knee at the moment, is the reason why I haven’t posted something in ages. I hope you understand. Though I love writing and posting on this blog, my education is priority number one. Nothing has ever made me this miserable before. I could easily be a part of Les miserables (the miserable ones) at this point, but I’m sticking with it. I’m not generally a positive person, but I honestly hope with all I have that I will be able to be done this year. It’s gone on far enough and I’m ready to move on and start living my life as I should have done years ago. In a way, I’ve found a positive outlet for my stress through sketching, reading and helping my friend who’s an artist with her lyrics, and writing a few songs on my own. They’re not any good, but it’s a way for me to work through things.
I have never been more ready to be done with something in my entire life! I have procrastinated, gone through the lowest lows and been on a path of self discovery ever since. I find myself having to sit down and take a minute so I won’t be overwhelmed by the stress and dark sides that used to be my every thought. I love that after all these years, I can see the change in myself. I went from seeing a bright future for myself, to seeing nothing good in my future so fast, spent so much time in the dark trying to crawl my way out, so time just flew by me. And suddenly, I was 23 years old and had accomplished so little.
Sure, when I sum up everything I have managed to do with my blog it sounds really exciting and fun, but when you think about how long I’ve actually been blogging (I started at 16, I’m 24 now), it’s not that big of a deal. But in some ways I’ve learned so much about myself from doing this and writing an online diary. Though it’s public and people will eventually see it, I’m proud of what I chose to put out on the web. I won’t change the world with it, but maybe I will be able to inspire someone, and that was truly all I ever wanted to do with my material. Not to be successful, earn money or get free stuff, even though that would be pretty awesome. I wanted someone to go «I love your photos» or «I love the way you write». I don’t write about politics, helping sick kids in Africa or the environment, I write about fashion and style. What I prefer. So if I can broaden someone’s style and make them try new things, I’m good! I do have to get back to studying, so I will see you all soon, so let me know if any of you want me to start writing more with my posts or if you want me to do something different or publish something specific. Au revoir!